I doubted the Rams.

They shouldn’t be good enough because Goff is only okay and their secondary is as funny as the Steelers’.

But then Goff made all the plays at the end of the NFC Championship game, and the secondary got away with the most confounding no-call in NFL history to help the Rams advance to the Super Bowl.

If they win the big game, it is because they can pressure Brady without blitzing. Would be great to see Penn Hills’ own Aaron Donald win the Super Bowl, but the Rams must get to Brady or he will pick apart a bad pass defense regardless of how many defenders the Rams roll into coverage.

And do not underestimate the Patriots’ ground game.

Yes, the Rams have the best running back in the Super Bowl, maybe in the NFL (sorry, Le’Veon, you have to play some games to be in the conversation), but the Patriots have run the ball very effectively this postseason, and that could offset the Rams’ furious front four.

So everything is speculative – if the Rams this, and if the Patriots that – so why predict anything?

Because it’s fun, and because it proves to those who read sports columns that the columnists are basically guessing, and basically know as much as anyone else who pays close attention to sports.

So, here goes.

The Los Angeles Rams will win Super Bowl LIII, 35-31. Not in overtime, not even in very dramatic fashion. The Patriots will score late to cut it to four and will not see the football again.

Jared Goff will be the game’s MVP, but the Rams’ defensive line will be the difference. They will do just enough to harass Brady to hold down the Patriots long enough to build an insurmountable lead.

All the, “See, the Patriots really aren’t that great,” and, “Told yinz the 70s Steelers could kick the Patriots’ a$#@&$ all over the football field,” chatter will fill the Pittsburgh air, but the brutal truth will remain – no matter how many Super Bowls the Patriots lose, their 19-year run is the greatest run by any team in the history of professional football.

My plan in watching today’s game will be to eat as much food as is humanly possible in a three-and-a-half-hour time frame, to dominate Cards Against Humanity, and to try to remember all of Erin’s ramblings about the Patriots, and how New England is not a real place, and how any player who suffers an injury is faking, and how the only good thing about the game is the halftime show.

My last prediction for the Super Bowl: Maroon 5 will be exceedingly annoying and their Elmo-voiced lead singer insufferable.

 

%d bloggers like this: